So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
