When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
