i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
