Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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