So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
