Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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