Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
