I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize