I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
