halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
