yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
