What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
