My sheets look like a crime scene.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
