They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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