they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
