We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
