Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Your cock deserves a montage
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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