you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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