I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
