Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
