doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
