just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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