1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She is in my trunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
