his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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