i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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