NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
