are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
