It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
a search helicopter?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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