that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize