shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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