whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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