There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
