I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
