i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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