When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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