WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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