new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
