i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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