I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
