I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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