that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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