My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
