Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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