New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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