Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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