Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
