I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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