Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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