your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
