My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
