just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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