Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
