Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
