Is it because I queefed?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
