Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
