I puked a lego.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
