Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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