hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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