The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
