Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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