sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
