Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i think i just naturally attract stoners
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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