I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
