It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
