I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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