my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
