areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
