So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
