Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
