Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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