Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
