Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
