K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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