READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
