then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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