she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In America we eat man semen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
