Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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